I recently had a good talk with some good friends of mine and we seemed to come across an underlying problem within each other’s lives. Four of us have been hurt by a girl. Do we deserve it? Maybe. Don’t quite know the answer. But here’s the background:

One of the three found someone that changed their life. Once he met this girl all of his problems seemed to have fade away. She was his only focus and he was hers. Together they planned a great life for both of them. She was his first everything and he wouldn’t dare to think of letting go of the person that he shared all of his firsts with. He has a rough exterior. He doesn’t seem to have a sensitive side to anything, rather, I thought he was someone who would just play around with girls instead of settling with what he would believe was the one. My judgements were wrong. After I got to know this person, he had untold passion for his ex-lover. Feelings and emotions would plunge him into a depression knowing that the one that he loved, no longer wanted to be with him. He shared to me his feelings no matter how hard he looked. No matter if he was a joker and in the Army. He had a soul too that longed to share his sights of being heartbroken. He covered for me at work when I told him about my news. He understood fully the pain I’m going through and he sure as Hell is going to help me through it. As for him, he still has feelings for this girl. Although he’s gone back to his “old ways”, his intentions stay pure at heart even if his heart is with the girl that left him. 

The second one of the three is the strongest of us all. I don’t quite remember him ever having a girlfriend, but the girl that made his life complete was sincerely a great catch for him. I was altogether happy for him. He deserves a girl that would love him for his personality and his kindness. He himself has a rough exterior. He doesn’t really like to talk much about himself, rather he prefers to let it go silently and not burden the world with his suppressed emotions. But he had a girl that showed him the world, in and out. He didn’t do anything wrong, he would treat this girl like a queen and never wanted to be treated like a king. His selfless acts was all that he could pay back to her for all the happiness she had brought to his life. And with so much happiness, a mark was forever sealed in his being. He would never forget the joyous elation that sparked whenever he was with her. But as time stretched on, her gaze fell onto another person: one of his best friends. And weeks or months later, she has his baby. She decided to break the news to him on New Years Eve… What a great way to start the new year; knowing that the one you love is the mother of your best friend’s child. It tore him apart. He never really talked about it. He never showed any signs of depression, distress, or gloom. He held it in and told a select few of his close friends. He didn’t act irrationally. I would’ve expected him to tear his best friend’s throat out of him… but he didn’t. Rather he just let things go… silently, accepting the fate that was given to him. I asked him if it still hurts, he said “of course? Why wouldn’t it?”. Obviously enough, his story is tougher than mine. But surprisingly, he’s doing fine. He’s letting time do the healing but as for his ex-lover, she still comes to him when she needs help. She still talks on the phone with him and comes over. She tells him sometimes that she regrets everything she did to him. But my friend knows she’s trying to amend and atone. Karma has took its toll… but he can’t help but still comfort his very first love… no matter how much hurt she put onto him. 

And lastly, one of my closest friends ever. He’s had his eyes set for one girl in an early age. But who can define love to only be accessible to those of a higher age? No one… and my close friend is a living example of that. His happiness peaked whenever he would be with her. He experienced a true love at his age simply because he found someone that when they looked at each other, they saw each other’s soul, and both were captivated. They fit the romantic couple perfectly. Unfortunately though, the distance played as a literal void between the two. The ability to keep up the physical contact was stripped away because of the shear miles between their dwellings. But to my close friend, that wasn’t an issue. As for the girl… maybe. Feelings settled down for her, and as much as my friend didn’t want, the connection came to an abrupt end. He was tortured by what had happened, trying to search for answers as to what could’ve ended something so perfect. The answer is still obscure from him. We go on to figure out that one day, she finds someone else. The thought of that, I could imagine, broke his heart. Though he never showed. He never really asked for consolation, but I knew he was dying for some. As a year or two passed by, his feelings never changed for this girl. Yes, he was able to smile once again, but the genuine feeling that once was, wasn’t there anymore. He later found out, that this girl had to have her memory suppressed due to an emotionally scarring event. And soon he would find out that she didn’t quite remember him and the blissful love that they shared. The thought of that killed my close friend’s spirit… but only in solitude. I commend his brave integrity in keeping his smile to reassure to his friends and family that his blessed contentment hasn’t faded away. He has been strong ever since. He remains a gentlemen to all ladies, for he knows that one day he will find someone that he will call his own. That he could once again experience the love like he did before, even if the past can still haunt him, he remains steadfast in his courage and takes on the day, one day at a time. 

We came to conclusion that for some reason, guys play first and commit later and girls commit first and play later. Sure, we’re overgeneralizing, but this stereotype fits the status quo from experience alone. We’re constantly at a never-ending natural impasse. We experience couples who have been together for years break up and the girl goes and plays the “guy’s role”. They go out, do extreme things and have sex and stuff like that. And the guys stay back and push through the emptiness that they are left to deal with. Of course though, it can be the other way around… but why when the guys finally have maturity to commit do they get shot down? Who knows? I don’t know for sure. But what I know is that what seems to be the jerk-male stereotype has found its way over to our women. And that sometimes the guys are left to deal with a burden in the same way the girls did. It’s a disappointment to me how we can’t accept that the present can be perfect rather than searching for better in an obscure future. Who’s to say that what we have now isn’t the best already? No one does, and yet we go on with a wanderlust for something better when the best is already with us.